2011....Whatevs...

It would appear as though I can't commit to this blog....but after having it almost 7 years , I can't just turn my back on it. I really do have a lot to say.....just not a lot of attention span to get it written out. Please forgive me.
So. 2011. Wow. What the hell was THAT that just blew by? Oh yeah....it was 2011. The WHOLE year.

Let's review, shall we? I am re-reading some of my hand-written journals and have come up with this little mash-up for my Year In Review:

I spent the better part of January 2011 getting my proverbial paper ducks in a row with the U.S. Social Security Administration. I re-applied for Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) on the advice of 2 of my doctors. I went into that project with my hopes really low. That way I figured I wouldn't be let down again when they denied me. I prayed on it and basically did what some Christians refer to as "giving it to God" to handle for me.

And lemme tell you: It WORKED. not only was I approved for disability, they did some research on my case and discovered I *WAS ELIGIBLE* when I applied in September 2009! 18 months between applications 2 & 3 and I was eligible at application #2! So, needless to say, I got a nice little chunk of back pay for the error. I started receiving payments on that at the beginning of March. It didn't come in one lump sum - it came in about 4 different payments. But I couldn't have been happier! Now I could afford my medications and we would ALWAYS have enough for the house payment! I was content.

Through the Spring, I enjoyed myself. Bought the girls and I some new clothes, spruced up the house, paid off an obscene amount of bills (I mean thousands!), took a few friends to lunch (it was nice to be able to make it "my treat") and I made some plans to travel. Memphis was still fresh in my mind and after being able to go there, I wanted to go other places. So a good friend of mine who is a seasoned traveler offered to escort me to Walt Disney World in Orlando Florida! I couldn't resist! So I booked that trip for May.

It was also around this time that I noticed my Mother didn't seem like herself. She was always tired and sleeping. She grew weak. Her appetite diminished. She became wan in the face. I KNEW something was wrong with her but she was being so stubborn about going to the doctor. I gently pleaded. She refused. This began a cycle of WORRYING that is STILL going on almost a year later....

On April 11, 2011, I got to meet NIKKI SIXX, the bass player for the band Motley Crue. He wrote a book and was doing a signing in Phoenix. I went with another friend who also loves CRUE as much as me! We stood on line over 3 hours, but when we finally got up there, it was so awesome to have 45 seconds to spill my heart to him. I just told him how I felt. He drew a heart inside the cover of my book. I also have the Sharpie he used. *SIGH - BIG GRIN* That was a HAPPY, HAPPY day! I'll never forget the way his hand felt when I shook it. He's got strong hands :)

On May 7th, I took Mom and Dad to Laughlin, NV to stay at the Riverside hotel & casino and we saw Trace Adkins (Mom's FAVE!) from the 3rd row. They messed up our tickets/seats, so they compensated us well. Being nice and civil about issues like that usually results in the "loser" coming out on top and that's just what I did! :) We had a blast and I won $240. Not bad! :)

But I digress. Florida. Florida was my next spot to see in the world, where there are also SEVERAL other places I'd like to see! I loved that we had a split condo and like we each had our own little apartment. MUCH better than 1 crowded hotel room. The Magic Kingdom was....magical! I loved Cinderella's castle and the "Wishes" show every night - and one night with a dessert party! Yum! I loved Disney Hollywood Studios. That was AWESOME. I got on the Tower Of Terror ride and thought I was going to wet my pants. That was scarier than ANY roller coaster I've ever been on and I've been on a few and I HATE THEM. I did manage to get up enough nerve to go on Space Mountain....but not enough nerve for the Aerosmith Rockin Roller Coaster ride. I just visited the gift shop. Sad. Pitiful. Yep. That's ME.

I LOVED visiting the countries' showcase at EPCOT. I wish that I could've seen all of it, but my scooter battery died and we couldn't go on :( Not fair! I got a ton of decent pictures although I lost my camera the 3rd day we were there. I purchased another one and got great pictures. Epcot was awesome. I loved all of the shops and La Cava de Tequila. I honestly wish now I would've spent MORE money buying the pretty things I saw and liked. I'll probably never get a chance to go back there again.

We also went to Cocoa Beach, Florida - down the highway a piece. On the way there, we saw PARTS of a gator that'd been hit by a vehicle. Ew. Gator parts. Yep - it was as gross as it sounds like it would be! But the beach was amazing! The sand was dark! I brought some of the beach home with me. I keep it in a jar for when I need a little beach therapy to relax. It really works. And I got to step into the ATLANTIC ocean for the VERY FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE! :) That was such a happy feeling and the water was warm - not like the frigid Pacific! Also got to visit the world renowned Ron Jon's Surf Shop. I loved it! I spend a lot of money there and like I said, wish I would've spend more!

Then we did this dinner theater at the TITANIC exhibit museum. It was so much fun. And the museum wasn't bad either. They had one room that had a ton of props used in the Titanic movie. The actors/guides were very knowledgeable about the story and they played their parts so well - very committed. I thoroughly enjoyed our visit there!

Overall I liked Florida. Most of the people are nice. It was a complete change of scenery for me (which I BADLY needed!!).

Upon returning home from FL, I went to the hospital bc I was retaining so much fluid I was in congestive heart failure again. So a couple days, so IV Lasix...I was better. Then later on in mid-June, I was hospitalized again for pneumonitis. that was a 3 day stay. Ug. I think I've finally learned how to manage my respiratory issues as I've not had any problems since then --knock on wood. I've had a couple colds, but I took care of myself and got over them quickly.

Backing up a bit, we got to take the kids to Disneyland in June. They LOVED it - we all loved it - it was so much fun! 5 days of both parks - there's NOT much we didn't do. I came home with 365 photos!!! Ha ha! I'm a shutterbug - what can I say?? I think my favorite part was our 1 day visit to Huntington Beach, CA. I LOVE the beach. And in 2011, I got to put my feet in BOTH the Atlantic as well as the Pacific oceans. I also got to go to Disneyland AND WDW. Not a lot of people can say that! :)

Also, while we were on our way to Cali, my dog Kasey had her puppies! She had 7; 2 were still born and the survivors included 2 boys and 3 girls. They are 7 months old now and I found immediate homes for 2 of them at 8 weeks. I still have 3 of them and are looking for homes for them. Except the male; he has double cherry eye and it's going to cost me a LOT of money for the surgery to fix them. If I am going to invest that much, I might as well keep him. Plus, he's Kolby's grandson and looks just like a blonde version of Kolby. He's also very sweet with a similar disposition. I call him "Mickey" :)

The rest of the summer was HOT and boring. The kids went back to school in August. The only other highlights were that it was CONCERT SEASON! I got to go to Motley Crue/Poison/New York Dolls in June then I got to go to Def Leppard/Heart in September. Great seats for both shows and I had a blast. Took Kaylin to Def Lep and she loved it. She's gonna end up being my "rocker"!

I had plans for fall to just enjoy my favorite season. That didn't happen.

I knew my Mom had been sick for a long time and I'd finally convinced her to go to the Dr. Long story short: She had BREAST CANCER. She had the mastectomy on 10/31/11. By 11/19/11, she was BACK in the hospital with a pressure ulcer (Goggle it - it's disgusting) on her foot as well as an infection at the mastectomy sight. I took her into the ER and she was admitted on site. She remained in the hospital until DECEMBER 20. She is currently home with a thing called a wound vac on her foot that will be there until at least April 2012. She also had to spend $200 to buy these special shoes for her to walk in that take the pressure off the foot.
15 years I tried to get her to manage her diabetes. 15 years she ignored me and did her own thing. And now this. Watching my own Grammie die from diabetes was stressful enough but now having to watch my Mom and watch my kids react to the fact that she is STILL in jeopardy of losing her left foot...it hurts. It really does. How can someone be so selfish? I am a diabetic and am trying more than ever to take proper care of myself, est right and exercise when I can - when my pain's not over the top and I can't hardly move, I don't exercise, but when I feel good, I do what I can when I can and try not to stress out over it. It's been 2 and a half years and I am FINALLY coming to terms with how my life changed virtually overnight. I'm limited and had to slow down and that's the way it is. I HAVE to accept that and stop being so bitter over how I've had to slow down in my life.....it's been hard, but I am getting there.

Again, my health came to kick me in November. I'd noticed how much more my back was hurting than usual. Got an MRI: 2 more pinched nerves in the lumber spine to go with the one that's been pinched at L5/S1 for 6 years now...and degenerative disc disease with areas of spinal stenosis. My discs between the vertebrae are wearing away and my spine is getting stiffened in the middle of the cord where all the nerves run down through it. I just finished a stint in physical therapy (aquatics) and talked to my Dr yesterday (1/18/12) and he wants me to do 6 more weeks AND he's referring me to a pain specialist for epidurals. *sigh* I'll do it, but I just don't think it's going to help anything. It didn't back in 2006. This is a congenital defect in my spine. I was born this way. I don't think much is gonna fix it. In the meantime, my pain meds barely keep me hanging in there. instead of taking 1 pill 4x a day, I've gotten to where I take 3 pills 1x daily. Seems like a LOT right? No. I've built up such a tolerance since my bout with cancer, that I could take up to 8 Vicodin a day and it barely phases me. So hopefully this new plan and new Dr can do something. All I know is if these epidurals are anything like the ones they give you when you're going to have a C-section - I am SCREWED bc I CANNOT sit still enough for those without being held down by a minimum of 3 people. I'll have to post updates. Wish me luck, pray for me, send positive vibes, swing your chickens - whatever...just hope for me that I can get some relief without surgery.

My birthday was quite uneventful this year...I was more worried about my Mom. I forsook all celebration just to support my Mom and her fight to get well. So, 39 now. Last year I can rightfully claim I'm "in my 30s". :)

So the holidays turned out to be not so great (even though we had a great Christmas!)with Mom in the situation she is in. Only Daddy came to Thanksgiving dinner. We didn't have a birthday dinner for me this year. It totally sucked. I was just happy Mommy got to come home before Christmas. They didn't come for dinner this year like they usually do. I am beginning to wonder HOW important is it that I struggle to keep family traditions like holiday dinners alive? My local Aunts & cousins aren't even a part of my life anymore. Dad's getting to the point that he don't like to go anywhere or do anything (and he had his reasons, even if they aren't valid to the rest of us). It was weird this Christmas just having a small dinner for the 4 of us. I felt alone even with my girls and husband here.

And my year ended with me in bed at 10p sleeping. I am just NOT the party animal I used to be. Oh well. Better luck in 2012, I suppose.

Now don't get me wrong....this is NOT a rant or a complaint. I feel blessed for all that we DO have. We have hundreds times more than a lot of people do. I've learned to live within our means and am happy doing so. A long as I am surrounded by the people i love, I know everything is going to be OK.

And now...some pictures from 2011:






(More photos to come!)