I Think Dennis Leary Sang It Best......

Webster's dictionary defines the word "ASSHOLE" as this:

Ass hole / aes ho l / [ass-hohl]
Noun: Vulgar
1. Slang
a. a stupid, mean, or contemptible person.

Boy did I ever have one of THOSE last night. A real "A, S-S, H-O, L-E"!

I was having a great night at the front desk...things were going well, people were in a great mood, life was good...until about 9p.

This guest (The Asshole) came to check in. We'd had an incident with one double queen room and it was left down last night...and with this incoming SINGLE guest (so the registration card said) being a Merry-Rot Platinum Rewards Member, I thought I could upgrade him at no extra cost and make him think he was really getting something special for his dollar.

Well he shows up with a family of 5 in tow. When I explained to him what happened and how *I* upgraded him (yes, I take ALL responsibility for this one - even though I wasn't the clerk WHO TOOK THE WRONG INFORMATION DOWN ON THE RESERVATION!) it was almost like watching a volcano erupt in slow motion - only this time there was no ash spray: JUST PURE LAVA.

He proceeded to tell me that I was NOT sorry for moving him, that I was worthless, that everyone at the front desk at the hotel had NO IDEA how to run a hotel and that we all needed to pull our heads out of our asses. I asked him to please stop talking to me like that and he proceeded to tell me that he could talk to me anyway he wanted to and that "all of this is bullshit and you know it's bullshit". At this point all of these other guests had stopped in the lobby and were rubber-necking the whole thing. His family had hightailed it out the front door and were cowering by the car (can you imagine what living with this idiot is like?). He proceeded to tell me that he spent over $10,000 a year to stay at Merry-Rot's and that we were BY FAR the most incompetent and pathetic hotel he'd ever stayed at.

After he went on his way...Scottye and I were just kind of dumbfounded by the whole incident. In my 19 years of customer service work, I have NEVER EVER had someone blow up like he did. I mean I've dealt with complaints, but this was beyond complaint. And upon consulting with Ralph (who also works at the same hotel - keep that in mind), Ralph told me about some of the other fits that this jerkwad has thrown in our lobby--he went so far one night as to throw his soda cup against our wall and leave the mess for Ralph to clean up, only before peeling out from our loading/unloading zone squealing his tires at midnight. Why do we rent to him? Why does our management subject us as desk clerks to this man? No one has the right to personally attack someone in a customer service realm. 9 times out of 10, the worker is only doing what management has INSTRUCTED them to do. There are days I feel like hammered shit and don't want to be at work, but I put on a happy face along with my Big Girl panties and I do it - and I do it WELL - I KNOW I give great service and I try to fix problems with guests before they even start. One less problem that goes to management or Merry-Rot corporate is one more feather in my cap.

But last night this was a personal attack and this fuck-tard didn't know me from Eve. There was one brief flash of a second where I wanted to come across the counter at him while he was walking away and bounce his hot head off of our decorative stone tile floors 4 or 5 times. Maybe a loss of BLOOD PRESSURE would have cured his stupid ass? I just felt so sorry for his kids...one son kept saying "Come on, Dad.." and Mr Asshole turned to his son and screamed "You shut up - sit down, go outside, but SHUT UP". I was so close to picking up the phone and calling the police because THAT right there had all the makings for a DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE.

Then there was the "Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda" Factor: For all of the things he said, there were so many other things I could have said back to him...but I was so busy trying to control myself and conduct myself in a professional manner that I didn't have the chance to retort to his idiotic ramblings. Like this:

"I spend ten thousand dollars a year to stay at Merry-Rot hotels" = "Perhaps you should spend more time at home being a husband and father to your family? - Oh wait - they are probably HAPPY that you're gone that much so that they don't have to deal with your abusive ass...I am sure that your wife finds much consolence in the arms of your best friend while you're gone!"

"You're worthless" - "And you're a fucking rude asshole that's a waste of space. What's your point? It takes someone who's worthless to recognize someone else who's worthless!"

"You need to pull your head out of your ass" - "Again, obviously you've had this point of view before...so I'll take your word for it."

"Every time I check in and YOU are here, something goes wrong." - "What? I've never seen you before in my life...and I know this because I would TOTALLY remember a prick like YOU!" (While batting eyelashes at him)

"This is the most incompetent hotel I stay at" - "SO LEAVE - do you really think we want your kind here? You bring down the property value...get your fucking ass out of here you fuck-tard! "

"Oh I am not yelling - do you want to hear yelling!?" (This was upon me asking him to lower his voice and not to yell) - "I'd much rather hear your tires peeling out from the driveway...at least then I would know that you're gone."

Hee hee ...I hope that he get pulled over and gets lippy with an Arizona Hwy Patrol officer like that someday...they don't tolerate crap like that. He'd either get taken into custody or get a ticket that was so heavy with fines he'd have to TOW that damned thing home on his bumper!!!

I also pray for people like him. Really, I do...I pray for their souls to find some kind of peace...bc eventually he's going to give himself a heart attack or a stroke and he'll die, then who are those kids and the Mrs going to rely on? A life insurance settlement only goes so far. He's obviously got a lot of peace to make with himself and with The Big Guy Upstairs. I just hope he does before it's too late and a lot of people have to suffer because this guy couldn't get a grip on himself.

And I really hope that he doesn't come back again...he's got another reservation in a couple of weeks - I guess we could always hope for a cancellation....or for the hotel to burn down (while he's in it)...or maybe for his precious Dodge Magnum to blow up?

Just remember Sir: It comes back to you times three...times three...times three.