Dairy Of A Mad Woman...

This is one of those FUN questionnaires I got from a friend. I refuse to e-mail this to you all, so if you're interested, you can read it here. And this isn't even all of it...it was too big to fit! Happy snooping! ~~Jodi

Questionnaire #1 - The Basics

1. Your Name: Jodi Lee (Landers) Harris

2. Your age: 31…December 7, 1972...the day the heavens sang and the Earth stood still :p

3. Describe yourself: I am six feet tall…a rather voluptuous woman (I ain’t tellin’ weight here!), I have auburn hair and although it’s natural, I have to touch up the color now that I am old enough to go grey..I have light brown eyes and and really nice smile (so I’ve been told). I have quite a temper when provoked but can keep it under control when I need to. I am passionate about certain things in my life and stand firm on my beliefs. I also have a killer sense of humor and love to laugh. I believe that life is remembered by the moments that take our breath away. I also believe in living life by the creed that “If it feels good, do it, do it NOW and do it often!”
4. Describe your mate (if applicable) He’s a butt head. But he’s my Best Friend and I seriously doubt that there’s another man on this earth that could put up with me and my ways the way that he has.

5. Where (and when) do you live? Prescott Valley, Arizona. I love Arizona. It’s my home.

6. What's your favourite sweet? (It is so a basic!): Milk chocolate…..*worships*

Questionnaire #2 -- Favourites
What is your favourite...

1. Season? Autumn…I live for this time of year that is the gateway to rebirth…

2. Food? Not together, but I would have to go with Mexican and seafood…and a good medium-rare STEAK!

3. Animal? All kinds…it amazes me the part they play on this Earth. Most are so beautiful.

4. Colour? Green, purple, teal…gorgeous jewel tones.

5. Time of day? Night time…the witching hour!

6. Weapon? Hmm? WEAPON? I would have to say the gun…and “gun control” means USING BOTH HANDS!

Questionnaire #3 - Background
Tell us about...

1. Your place of birth: I was born in a small southwestern Arizona town called Yuma. I grew up there and lived 25 years there before moving away. My family’s history is there. Yuma is probably most famous for being the gateway across the Colorado River into CA…and also the Yuma Territorial Prison.

2. Your childhood ? Not the best of times for me. I was an only child and everyone always thought growing up as an only child was a cake walk. It was not. I was very lonely a lot of the time. To this day I still have an inborn fear of lonliness. I was molested as a child and I believe this is where my trust issues come into play. It was very hard growing up as ME. My parents worked ALL of the time. I spent the majority of the time with my Grammy and Papa Lewis. That is where all of my values were instilled in me. I wouldn’t trade the time I spent with them for anything as I miss them so much now that they are gone. I went to public schools and was an average student. I always hated school because I was so different from everyone else and at the time I did not realize that was a GOOD thing. By the time I entered high school, I was finding my identity. I loved being with my friends. They were like brothers and sisters I never had. I started college when I was in 11th grade and continued my college education after HS graduation. When I was 18I moved in with my grandparents to help care for them as they were getting on in years and not able to do it 100% for themselves. I grew up fast and I always felt like I raised myself…that’s my childhood for you.

3. Your parents: Holly (father) and Dolores (mother) Landers. Were do I start with these 2?? I am thinking that they should have divorced a LONG time ago as they seem to have a love/hate relationship. They were high school sweethearts. They’ve been married 32 years now. Quite a feat by today’s standards, but neither of them has seemed happy over the years. My Dad’s an alcoholic and my mother is a co-dependent enabler. That is one thing I am thankful for every day: that I DO NOT have to live with them anymore. I never could stand being around that atmosphere and I’m so glad I am OUT of it.


4. Your siblings: None….THAT I KNOW OF.

5. Your (current) home? An apartment in Prescott Valley with my husband, 2 daughters, the dog (Kolby) and the cat (Milo).

6. Your favourite "hang out”? Hmm? I don’t get out much but when I do I love to go to clubs and listen to live music.

Questionnaire #4 - Skills

1. Can you read?: Exceedingly well. I'm a speed reader.
2. Can you write?: Rather well. I can communicate my feelings best in the written word.
3. Can you sing?: Not really, but I LOVE to.
4. Can you play an instrument?: No. I used to play clarinet, but that was 20 years ago.
5. What languages do you speak? English and Spanish
6. What weapons can you use? A gun and a cross bow.

Questionnaire #5 - Secrets

1. Are you good at keeping secrets about yourself?: Yes and no I won't tell you what

2. What is your best kept secret? Dude, it's a secret ..and only me, THE OTHER PERSON and GOD knows about it.

3. What is your worst kept secret? I would have to say all of my faults.

4. Are you good at keeping secrets about others? Yes…I could be Ann Landers….

5. What secret about someone else have you kept and wish you hadn't? I don't keep those secrets. I'm not stupid. If someone’s life is in danger, the secret’s coming out.

6. What secret about someone else have you not kept and wish you had? I don't tell secrets. Period.

Questionnaire #6 - Sex

1. Are you a virgin? Fuck no. *gags*

2. Do you mate for life? I'm not a werewolf….

3. Who was your first lover? (or, if you are a virgin -- Who would you like your first lover to be?) His name was Richard. And If I’d known THEN what I know NOW…I might STILL be a virgin!

4. Who is your current lover? My husband….*grins*

5. What is your favourite sexual position? And of them that I can twist myself into!

6. What are your kinks? Necks, tummies, backs and younger men (don’t ask!)

Questionnaire #7 - Best and Worst1

. What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you? Do you really have to ask? Pick one. Though I would never change any of it. All has made me who I am...and a stronger person. I would have to go with the cancer thing.

2. What's the best thing that's ever happened to you? My daughters, Bayleigh Ann & Kaylin McCoia…and a couple of really special friends..you KNOW who you are.

3. Who is your worst enemy? Hmm? I don’t have any that I know of..I know a lot of people don’t like me but I could really give 2 shits about them.

4. Who is your best friend? Nicki

5. Tell us about your worst kiss? The FIRST one…ick, ick, ick….

6. Tell us about your best kiss? Well all I am gonna say is when I kissed those lips, I wanted to sink down to the bottom of the sea…a kiss that could launch a 1000 kisses…

Questionnaire #8 - Mornings1

. What time do you wake/get up? Varies..when my eyes open and won’t shut any more.

2. What's the first thing you do upon waking? Stretch then head for the loo.

3. Are you a morning person? Fuck no...

4. What is your typical morning like? Stretch, potty, let the dog out, take meds, let the dog in, brew the coffee, and check CNN to see if we’re any closer to hell in a hand basket.

5. Do you drink coffee? It is the sweet nectar of the gods….
6. Do you need coffee? Yes it helps me do stupid things faster and with more energy! :p

Questionnaire #9 - Are you?
Are you...

1. Smart?: IQ of 124…I suppose that makes me smart.
2. Arrogant? Somewhat…but not a lot.
3. Good-looking? Vision of a Goddess...
4. Sexy? Way!
5. Capable? Sure..
6. Dangerous? Oh yeah.

Questionnaire #10 -- Marks

1. Do you have any scars? Yup, I'm accident and surgery prone….
2. Do you have any piercing? 2 in each ear.
3. Do you have any tattoos? Yes….
4. Do you have any other markings? Oddly shaped feckles, birth marks in strange places...do pregnancy stretch marks count!????
5. Do you wear any jewelry? Wedding band and a diamond ring from hubby, a birthstone pinky ring and my ruby and diamond heart necklace. And various toe rings
6. Have you ever broken any bones? Nope, screwed up various body parts other ways though…and am now in chronic pain because of it.

Questionnaire #11 - Grab Bag

1. What is your favourite mode of transportation? Car...
2. Can you cook? Yup..real good too!
3. Do you have big feet? Freakishly huge..
4. What is the square root of 169? yo mama...no, seriously…13…
5. If you could change your name to anything you wanted, what would you change it to? I honestly don’t know? I have always loved the name Jocelyn…I guess I wouldn’t be ME with any OTHER name…
6. What is the sound of one hand clapping? Silence

Questionnaire #12 -- Rituals
1. Do you believe in a higher power? Yup
2. Do you belong to a formal religion? Er..not really.
3. Do you have any religious rituals? umm, begging the heavens for money? Using salt as a protection for a place of living
4. Do your people have any sort of coming of age ritual? My people? Dude, I'm a white American, I get to vote, I get to make my own rules, that's about it…FREE, WHITE and 21(+)…
5. Do you have any personal rituals? Does keeping journals count??
6. Do you have any sexual rituals? I sacrifice virgin cheerleaders every full moon to keep my sexy body (that's a no)….

Questionnaire #13 -- Your loverIf you do not have a lover/mate/significant other/spouse, please answer the questions about your best friend. (do you know how fucked up that sounds?-Jodi)

1. How long have you been together? 10 LONG years
2. What do you like to do together? Watch TV…not much..we’re very disconnected lately..
3. What do you do to make your lover happy? Leave him alone and not talk to him while he’s watching TV?? I really don’t know what I do that makes him happy?
4. What do you do even though it upsets your lover? Chat online..look @ other men..I can’t help myself; I'm MARRIED, NOT DEAD!
5. If someone was going to meet your lover for the first time, what one thing would they need to know? He’s HIGHLY anti-social. Don’t take it personally.
6. What's your absolutely favourite thing about your lover? He and I have identical senses of humor. We have jokes that NO ONE would get.

Questionnaire #14 - If you were...If you were a _____ what would you be?

1. A metal.- Titanium
2. A plant.- Venus fly trap! ;-)
3. A fault.- Vanity, impatience
4. A virtue.-- Integrity
5. A colour.-- GREEN
6. A season.--Fall (slightly cold yet slightly warm)

Questionnaire #15 -- What is your most distinctive...

What is your most distinctive...

1. Physical feature?—lips and hands..and some would say eyes
2. Physical mannerism?--I chew on my nails or tap on things, CONSTANTLY..I’m a fidgeter!
3. Character trait? Straightforwardness.
4. Turn of phrase? I’m sure it’s something with the word FUCK in it. I am SUCH a potty mouth! 5. Pet peeve?—IGNORANCE…and arrogance.
6. Habit?—smoking and cuticle chewing…GET OFFA ME.

Questionnaire #16 -- Wants

1. What's a place you've always wanted to go? Australia
2. What's one thing you've never been able to do? Draw…wear size 10 clothing…L
3. What one thing have you always wanted to learn but never have? To play the piano and violin.
4. What's one thing you've always wanted to do and never have? Take a cruise
5. What's one thing you've always wanted to have but don't have? Happiness within myself.
6. Who do you envy? Nicki..DM…and probably a couple of other ppl I can’t think of right now.

Questionnaire #17 - Animals

1. Do you like animals? Yes...very stupid question
2. Which animals don't you like? creepy bugs
3. Do you hunt? If so, for food or pleasure? No but I don't hold anything against those who do.
4. Do you eat meat? I can eat a hamburger while watching a cow in a pasture...I am pure evil…
5. Which animal do you most closely identify with? Horse
6. Which animal do you most closely identify your mate with? What kind of question is THAT? 4 years ago I would have said SNAKE or RAT.

Questionnaire #18 - Superstitions

1. Are you superstitious? YES…
2. What is your most embarrassing superstition? Friday the 13th.
3. What is your most strongly held superstition? None
4. Do you believe in the devil? Yes, I do.
5. Do you believe in karma? Yup
6. Do you carry a talisman/lucky charm/etc.? Yes. It’s a photo. Please don’t ask.

Questionnaire #19 -- Either Or

1. Country or City? Country
2. Water or Alcohol? Water..does FIRE WATER count??
3. Black or White? Black
4. Day or Night? Night
5. Pain or Pleasure? Both (sorry but there's no choice here)
6. Life or Death? Life,,although some days I wish for the latter…*sigh*


Questionnaire #20 Fear, pain and loss

1. What are you afraid of? Spiders, judgment, lonliness, not being loved, not being noticed, not being liked, being taken for granted.
2. How do you deal with your fears? I live in a house attached to a computer...I have social interaction and solitude, go me! ..and I step on spiders.
3. Why did you cry most recently? I heard a song that really conjured up some feelings. Wow.
4. What was the worst pain you've experienced? 16 months of cancer treatments. They are not fun and they will make you wish for sudden death.
5. What is the worst injury or illness you've experienced? Cancer…and having a tree that was being cut down fall on me when I was 4…ouch.
6. What do you most dread losing? My children.

Questionnaire #21 -- Christmas and New Year's version

1. Do you celebrate a winter solstice type holiday and if so, which one? Christmas and Yule
2. Do you believe in Santa Claus? Kris Kringle? Hern the Hunter? The Ice Fairy? Someone else associated with the holiday? I believe in the big guy in red
3. Do you like giving gifts? YES! I love to make people happy!
4. What's the best gift you've ever given someone? Myself
5. Do you like getting gifts? FUCK YES!! PREZZIES!! (can you tell I was a spoiled child? My mother showed love in gift form)
6. What's the best gift you've ever gotten? Hmmm, so many...a truck I would say.
7. Do you mark the coming of the New Year in some way? I kiss whoever I can @ midnight J
8. Are you making a new year's resolution? If so, what is it? I resolve not to do anything that isn't fun…I’ve given up on everything else.
9. Have you made resolutions in the past? Yup
10. If so, which was the most successful? None of the above…actually to stop being so self-absorbed.
11. If so, which was the least successful? Every other one..the lose weight one REALLY sticks out!
12. If you could make a completely fresh start, would you? Maybe…don’t tempt me!
13. If you had no choice and were making a completely fresh start and could bring one person with you, who would it be? Nicki! No doubt about it!

Questionnaire #22 -- Dreams

1. What is your favorite dream? hehehe, you wanna know? Sexual ones!
2. What is your worst nightmare? Drowning
3. Do you dream in color? techno
4. Do you have recurring dreams? If so, what? Not that I can recall…? Does that make me weird?
5. How do you keep bad dreams away? I have learned to wake myself up from a dream
6. What did you dream last night? Er...fuck if I can remember now

Questionnaire #23 -- Either Or (2)

1. Clothed or Naked? Naked feels so good!
2. Loud or Quiet? QUIET!
3. Rain or Snow? Snow..I hate getting wet in the rain!
4. Happy or Sad? Idiot or Idiot, happy
5. Boots or Shoes? bare foot all the way!
6. Ant or Caterpillar? NEITHER! ICKY!

Questionnaire #24 - likes and dislikes
1. What is your comfort food? Chocolate
2. When do you reach for it? When depressed..or bored..or happy..or lonely…
3. What textures do you like least? (Why?) wool, scratchy!
4. Which textures make you most want to reach out and touch? (Why?) Velvet (sensual), Leather (hehe, sexual), satin (slippery)
5. What scent do you like most? (Why?) Cinnamon…yummy and spicy! Like me!
6. What scent do you like least? (Why?) Wet dog and cat pee! GROSS!

Questionnaire #25 -- Appearance/clothing

1. Are you vain? Are you serious? bats eyelashes
2. How important is your outward appearance? Depends, often, not much, unless I'm leaving the house….then I strive to be socially acceptable.
3. Do you notice how other people look and what they are wearing? Yup, first thing, I'm a snob
4. Describe your favourite outfit. On who? Guy: Leather pants (black), silk button down shirt that hangs to mid thigh, open mid way down the chest, silver or hemp necklace…Bev has me spoiled on vampire novels…! Or a guy in JUST a pair of nice fittin’ jeans and NOTHING else… On me, casual clothes or dresses. I'm partial to easy care/easy wear fabrics
5. Describe your mate's (best friend, etc) favourite outfit if they were to choose it: Ralph’s a jeans guy. And a t-shirt..all the way..
6. Describe your favourite outfit to see your mate (best friend, etc.) in: he looks good in about anything…not all dressed up though—it’s just not him.

Questionnaire #26 -- Sleep

1. Where do you sleep? In a king sized bed with 240 thread count sheets, a feather-down mattress and 3 fluffy pillows!
2. When do you sleep (time of day)? Umm..night time? Or whenever I get a chance.
3. How many hours a day of sleep do you need? 8-9 but can squeak by with about 6
4. What's your favourite position to sleep in? Left side or all spooned up with partner.
5. What do you wear to sleep? Sleepshirts…or flannel jammies.
6. Do you like a lot of covers, or a few, or none at all? Few..and I sleep with my feet uncovered.

Questionnaire #27 -- life and death

1. Who (or what) do you live for? My children..and the hope that I will find true happiness someday.
2. Who (or what) would you die for? My children..my country.
3. In general, what do people think of you upon first impression? Talkative, cool, funny, what a bitch…I guess it depends….
4. What do people think of you after they get to know you better? What a bitch
5. If you were to die right now, today, what kind of legacy would you leave behind? Dunno, my friends/family would have to awnser this…a good one hopefully?
6. What kind of legacy would you *want* to leave behind? She fought for what she believed in, she loved and was loved in return, she was a good mother and nurturer.

Questionnaire #28 --
1. Do you have any chronic or acute medical conditions? Yes….let me count the ways.
2. What are they? Stomach disorder, cancer, adult ADD, depression, anxiety disorder, tinnitus, hearing loss, diminished salivary gland function…oh, and I’m fat, too.
3. Do you take medication (or any type of curative) for them? The top of my fridge looks like a fucking pharmacy.
4. How do you feel about taking the medication/curative? You gotta do what you gotta do to be functional and comfortable.
5. What happens if you don't take the medication/curative? You seriously don’t wanna know but it involves A LOT of tears.
6. Who is your doctor/healer? Dr. David Duncan…he RAWKS. He’s THE BEST Dr. in the WORLD.

Questionnaire #29 -- Children

1. Do you like children? vaguely...got any duct tape? I'd like them more then..I like mine..other’s bother me sometimes.
2. Do you have children? Yes, mother to 2 Evil Demon Spawn.
3. Do you want to have children? NO MORE! PLEASE!
4. What is your earliest childhood memory? The storybook ride from Disneyland when I was 3!!!!
5. Who was your favourite person when you were a child? My Aunt Mary
6. Name one thing that made it clear to you that were no longer a child. How old were you at the time? The theft of my innocence. My parents never coming to my school for anything (awards, shows, etc.). Having to fight off my step-grandfather from molesting me.

Questionnaire #30 -- Astrology

1. What is your birthday? December 7, 1972..a day that will live in infamy!
2. What is your sun sign? Sagi-crabby-ass…I mean Sagittarius.
3. What is your moon sign? Aries.
4. What is your rising sign? Aries..that’s the same thing as a moon sign! Duh!
5. What sign do you find most annoying? Pisces..they day dream too much for me.
6. What sign do you find most attractive? Leos and Sagittarius….wild FIRE signs!

Questionnaire #31 -- Skills (take two)

1. Can you ride a bike? Yes
2. Can you drive? If so, what? Yes and most things..
3. Can you swim? Like a fish!
4. Can you fly? Do I look like a bird?
5. Can you fight? Yup
6. Can you lead? Wonderfully!

Questionnaire #32 -- Either/Or take two Would you rather...

1. Eat an endless amount or photosynthesize? er...neither?
2. Hold your breath indefinitely or make yourself turn blue? Same thing dumb ass
3. Learn sign language or talk without moving your lips? Sign language.
4. Keep your eyes open without blinking or be able to turn off your hearing? Neither
5. Fly or walk through solid matter? Both
6. Live forever and stay young or be reincarnated with your old memories? Live forever

Questionnaire #33 -- Money

1. Are you poor, rich, or in between? I can keep my head above water…
2. Growing up were you poor, rich or in between? We was po’ but proud!
3. Is money important to you? Damn straight
4. How do you acquire money? Begging, borrowing, breathing in and out for the government, working my ass off.
5. What is your most valuable possession? My extensive and expensive collections and my jewelery.
6. What is your most valued possession? Same..and my memories…

Questionnaire #34 - Work, rest and play

1. Do you nap frequently? Where is your favourite place to do so? yes and a bed
2. Are you lazy, or active? Somewhere in between? I wanna be lazy but my lifestyle doesn’t allow me such luxuries.
3. What time do you do your best work? Night
4. Would you rather work, play, or relax? Relax