Ever Have One Of Those Days....

"....when everyone's on your case from your teacher all the way down to your best girlfriend?" - ("Smokin' In The Boys Room" - for those of ya who can't quite place it!)

*SIGH*

I am serious....it's been one of those WEEKS for me. I don't know what it is or why it almost always happens to me around this time of year? Today I have felt like all I want to do is go sit someplace and hide and just cry it out. And it's so weird to me because I can't really put into words how I feel. It's not really sad..not really lonely...not really stressed or frustrated? I don't know what you would call it. All I know is I don't feel like ME.

I miss my Grandma ALOT this time of year....seeing as I was an ONLY grand-child for 9 years, she always made sure that Easter was a special time for me. I miss the big family dinner that Grammie used to spend all day cooking..the way the ham just fell off the bone and melted in your mouth...I think most of all, I miss the little white frosted cupcakes with the coconut "grass" that we dyed green and the little speckled robin eggs (jellybeans) we'd put on top...that's a VERY clear memory in my mind. I miss her potted Easter lilies. She was always so fond of them. And when I was REAL little, there were the baby chicks that came from Co-Op. So cute...Pete & Tillie. *sigh* I would give ANYTHING in the world to go back there. Anything...and I always wanted my children to have the same wonderful Easters I always had. But we can't always have what we want, I guess.

I am SO upset that this year my family has decided that there's no need for a family Easter dinner. >:-( This just has my feathers all ruffled. I mean I know we're all older and the holidays are hard to celebrate due to our work schedules and all, but dammit my kids are STILL KIDS...this is THEIR HOLIDAY. I can't understand what some people are thinking. There's times I don't wanna do things or celebrate anything but I do it for my girls. I want them to live in the magic of the holiday moment, no matter what holiday it is. There's NOTHING like seeing the look on their faces when they pile out of their bedroom all sleepy-eyed and see those Easter baskets (or what Santa left them...or whatever the case may be)....it's a wonderment and an innocence so easily lost as we grow older. It's almost a REQUIREMENT of childhood. I don't want them to think that no one never cared enough to show them how great FAMILY can be! I mean it's like being married..IT TAKES WORK! And why do *I* feel like I am the ONLY one who ever tries!?

And speaking of being married....it's the same stuff again and I am SOOO tired of it. I don't know what Ralph's deal is!? God how I wish he would talk to me...about what he's thinking..what he plans...what his dreams are...how he feels....but I know that's like waiting for Arizona to become ocean front property. I try to be so open with him and hopefully set an example..nah..he's too busy for that. No wonder I do the things I do.....it's a distraction to keep my mind off him and our troubles. I wonder if they are ever going to resolve themselves? I wonder if his pie-chart is ever going to come full-circle? *sigh* :(

Well, I guess this is enough of my whining. For once I want to have GOOD news to put up here. This has just been the week from hell....I did make 2 new friends, though. So the week wasn't a TOTAL waste. But still....just a little good to go with ALL this bad is NOT good enough. Guess I have to go back to looking for the small things to appreciate, whether it be nature, books, music or what-not. I just feel like no one "GETS" me sometimes.....ever feel like that??????

Laters....